❤️ confessions of a soon to be bedazzled butt bling hoe... ❤️
❤️
Elzora:
doing the running man, I mean WOman on the spot trying to figure out WITCH way to go
👈🐸 ....T-H-I-S way
no, this way 🤡👉
I mean uggggggggghhhhhhhh
🖐️
that W-A-Y?!!! 👀
no ughhhhhhh.....🥴
theNUT(s): 🥸
them: she's lit
theNUT(s): you MEAN gaslit
me: ☝️😁..... maybe t-h-i-s WAY.
NO, 👈😵👉
ThEpEaNuTgAlLeRy: T-O-T-A-L-L-Y.
me: am I?
🧹
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
me: oh yaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy
we get to go for a car ride
VVVVrrrrrroooooooom vrrrooom.
EVERYone: 👀
theNUT(s): 👀
me: yyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
😁
them: you've officially been kidnapped
🐸
awe FCUK.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
WORD of the day:
tyrannosaur-US V-A-G-I-N-A
🦖
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
philosopher HOE:
When you can't beCUM a nun
do THE monk👉 👉👉👉(s).
😬
yyyyeeeeeeeHHHHHAAAAWWWWWWW.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
TheNUT(s): what are YOU going to be doing Tuesday Elzora?
me: I'm taking MYSELF to the movies...
Ponderings of a beauty bling butt: read the article 4 days ago...a day AFTER being at the rec room, stuck in transit on HOE-bo mode 🐸
them: 👀
TheNUT(s): have you ever been THERE before Elz?
me: No.
BUTT... I took a million dollar shot smacking balls around 😁
The peanut GaLlERy: 👀
them: sumBODY saw that 🥸
$5 movies on TUESDAY(s) month of February Cineplex
🙏
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
HotMILFYmoment:
me: it took me over five years to get my squirt back
Sorry for gushing 🥰
tHePeAnUtgALlErY: does that mean she's going to piss all over us
theNUT(s): 👀
💦
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
me: ....THEY were talking about THAT for years....
him: they STILL A-R-E
YOUR timing was PURFECT
👌
confusedHOE: uggggggghhhhh, are we even talking about the same thing?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
I have NEVER been teased like THAT before
🤪
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
him: *nodding* as I walk in
i haven't seen you ALL winter
ponderings of a bedazzled bling butt beauty hoe: hmmmmmm, weird. BeCAUSE I've seen you.
him: I thought maybe you were in Florida with all your friends
me: nope, they'd probably feed me to the alligators
theNUT(s): 🤣🤣🤣
THEm: she has N-E-V-E-R had a passport.
ponderings of a beauty blinger butt:
a lot of people do the bobble head in agreement...
to W-H-A-T.
🙄
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
him: I love your play on words
me: man, YOU should see me with....
D-I-C-K-S.
😬
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
when your on a road trip and your girlfriend goes in to get sun glasses
and cums back with almost the entire rack
me: did we pay for ALL those 🤣
Elzora: sitting in the back with her glasses on upside down
her:*looks back*
SEE, she isn't going to change.
😎🥸😎
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Counter top hoe committee meeting:
her: just change your name...
that's what all of US do
me: I shouldn't HAVE too
ponderings of a beauty bling philosopher butt HOE:
whoa wait a minute...
WHICH one?
🫠
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
We are trying to CATCH up....
me: could you hurry the fcuk UP!
P-U-L-ease
*pages flying everywhere*
WRONG BOOK.
WRONG chapter.
WRONG page.
🐸
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
them:
you are NOT going to be able to put her in THAT box.
RECENT(ly):
my girlfriend and I watching the illegally downloaded BARBIE movie on her laptop
*cummmmmmmmon
barbie....
get
in
THE
box*
👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
SHE is a magician.
🤹♀️
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
a knot so wise woman recently said...
"T-H-O-S-E are choices....."
philosopher hoe ponderings: 🤔
....except: when YOU are making them, affect us BOTH
and limit options for me to choose from...
creating B-A-D results for M-E.
R-I-G-H-T.
🙄
or is THAT why you consider yourself an influencer.
beCAUSE that works out WELL for Y-O-U.
🥸
R-I-G-H-T?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
I smell like a CATbox.
🐸
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Question of the DAY:
Q: Why do all the woman in your life say:
"I think we should be lovers"
A: either they are a parrot for someone else
*all the guys dancing around in my head*
OR
they all just want to bed and fcuk me with a strap on?
OR
they KNOW I'm good like THAT?!?!
OR
a double D-I-L-L-L-L-
*Elzora about to spit out more objective garbage*
*Questioner coughs, while everyone else cringes*
Okay, ugggggh moving RIGHT along....
🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
NEGGING 101:
She has long black hair....
and creepy blue eyes
*long pause*
I-N a GOOD way.
me: 🙄
theNUT(s): oh no SHE didn't
thePeEnUtgAllErY: who the FCUK is this bitch
everyONEelse: 🙈
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Ramblings of nothingness:
I actually got to soak in a tub,
L-I-K-E a REAL soaker tub...
and THEN, when I was draining the water,
it looked like a
body was left....
I-N skin cells.
👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
HOThoemoment:
even my camel toe looks like a heart
them: she is ALL about T-H-E love
🥸
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
o-o-o-o-o-o-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h
HHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
F-R-I-E-N-D
🙊
theNUT(s): THAT guy is N-O-T your friend
tHePeAnUtGalLeRy: he gets PAID to be
THEm: he could be
ALLofTHEM: HE SHOULD BE
me: All my friends ARE green.
🥸
sumGUY: MAYBE he IS?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
I love it when a place talks in third person.
CALGARY K-N-O-W-S
Elzora has approved this post.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
oneFCUKed up moment(s) of TOO many:
When one of your flock of adult mini-me's reports back to you:
Ma, while I was running on the treadmill- some dude said,
"You are a good runner for a smoker"
MommaBEAR:
He doesn't KNOW that I fall off treadmills...
N-O-W
or
WHO you ARE, exactly.
Next time: Give him the eye balls, take a picture of him and SHOW me.
I W-I-L-L deal with THAT.
🧐
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Parrot of the day:
....she is GOOD for morale.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
hoe committee round table talk:
HOE2: you weren't joking Elz, were you
HOE6: does she know you know?
HOE3: 👀
me: I can't PROVE it was her, but I'm pretty sure
HOE2: THAT takes some nerve
me: who goes to a HOE Christmas party, calls another woman she doesn't know CRAZY and then goes to the extent she did to bump
into my hemisphere....just to PULL that shit with me
HOE2: someone that clearly doesn't KNOW you
HOE3: A-N-D you didn't SAY anything?
me: only someone special WOULD solve that mystery.
🥸
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Elzora H-E is married with 2 kids
*flipping through the textbook in my head*
ponderings of a beauty bling butt: Sounds like he got himself the nuclear family...
doesn't the government say, that's the dream we all should aim for?
or maybe the atomic bomb, with a ball and chain- either way, he's winning
He gets to have cake, with icing...AND a cherry on top if he WANTS.
O-H, and lets not forget the filling- TOO.
🤔
meTHEspinster: THAT sounds like HIS problem, not mine.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Elzora, did you find your asshole
me: which one?
🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
You'll be begging for me to make you cum
💦
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Elzora cock'er advice:
when the coconut oil is at the bottom of the lube container you put it in...
do the MacGyver HOE and grab chop sticks from your terrible take out.
...to GET it O-U-T
🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
QUOTE of the day:
I met my DREAM girl.
💦🍆
T-H-A-T was a once in a lifetime.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
when you bump into an old co-worker:
me: oh H-E-Y... are you still working?
him: I'm back to work in March
CAN I HAVE A CIGARETTE....
me: 👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
while out of town and the cabbie almost crashes...
and then states, "We have company insurance"
theNUT(s): he almost KILLED you
me: T-H-A-T is not how insurance is suppose to work
👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
as a new client walks in:
I WANT E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G....
me: well, that's a good start, I think?
🐸
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
to BEE a FlY oN tHe WaLl:
my gf: it sounds like she was setting traps...
me: "trying" too, butt more like land mines
both of us: 🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
ThEpEaNuTgAlLeRy:
Elzora, is it T-H-E words....
the name, the artist...
....the melody?
All of the above?
Some of each?
me: You TELL me.
🥸
I thought you KNEW everything
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Elzora, we made a R-E-A-L mess.
ponderings of a beauty bling butt: considering we haven't taken our clothes off yet...
and I don't KNOW you
me: no S-H-I-T. asshole.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
when the cab arrives:
me: sumone left their phone...
him: bLaH blah blllllaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
me: BLAH blaH balh
him: blah BlAh BLLLAAAAAHHHHHHH
me: bllllaaaaaaaahhhhhhh BlAh bLaH blah
him: I know you are good on the INSIDE
and T-H-E outside
me: 👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
dest(i)NATION E-L-Z-O-R-A
🌠
...the MORE, you K-N-O-W
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
QUOTE of the day:
*when there isn't any rhythm or reason to state...*
Elzora, S-T-A-Y calm.
me: I'm always FCUKING calm....
that MUST be the problem.
*doing the donkey kong in-between my ears and going ape shit*
🐒
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
when you finally get back and the lobby looks like the tent encampments everyone else is trying to tear down but there's even tarps
me: you have GOT to be kitten me.
🙀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
When you go to check on your vehicle for no apparent reason and almost get attacked
me to robo cop 1 and 2:
WHY am I being INTIMIDATED.
now THIS is a known location
👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
I KNEW as soon as I met you.
ponderings of a beauty bling butt: knew what?
👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
when you only have a couple minutes to catch up:
her: I went to XYZ...and abc.... AND
me: oh WOW! That's amazing.
👀
her: did you get to go away?
me: No. I usually only get to live through everybody else's stories.
🤔
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
GOOD women are hard to find...
me: hmmmmmmm that explains it A-L-L.
I could never figure out W-H-Y
can YOU.
*the good ones being gaslit, tossed around like pin balls, thrown into the corner, falling on, I mean into all the wrong dicks *
H-O-L-Y fcuk MAN
👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
when you leave....or go out or do ANYTHING:
and there's a SHITSHOW here....
walk into a SHITshow.....THERE
about to be a SHITSHOW here....
E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E a SHITshow
here a S-H-I-T SHOW, there a SHITSHOW
ponderings of a bling butt beauty: no wonder why they call me shit show...
or someones trying to make me their sidekick. Or my timing is REALLY bad.
OR, wait a MINUTE- nevermind ALL that, I also don't FEEL safe.
hmmmmmmmmmm, the peculiar oddities and curiosities of the day in the life of ME
E-V-E-R-Y D-A-Y
🧐
theNUT(s): sumones trying to meet you
THEm: or find her
ALLofTHEM: she lights up the computer screen like a Christmas tree.
tHePeAnUtGaLlErY: or convincing her the next guy to swoop in is needed
me: FUNNY N-O-T funny.
👀
BUTT W-H-Y.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
When everyone is asking you if YOU are OKAY
and you NEVER act crazy...
me: all of THIS is NOT OKAY and wouldn't be for anyone else.
IF YOU HAVE TO ASK, YOU SHOULD KNOW IT'S NOT OKAY even if I AM...
M-A-N-A-G-I-N-G well.
BUT, W-H-O would or must be OKAY with all THIS B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
🙄
E-N-O-U-G-H.
thanks,
Management
💦🍆
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Elz, this is kind of like when someone fcuks everything up and then tries to sell you the solution.
me: or because I create those solutions...
🙄
and THEY get paid for THAT.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
I'm just going to park myself...
back on BUDDHA mode.
Y'all can have my attention when you are done acting a'fool
🐸
OR paying M-E.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang