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❤️ confessions of a soon to be bedazzled butt bling hoe... ❤️

❤️

*me to greenthumb a while ago*

 

I just LOVE the flowers you planted...

🥰

them *recently*: thats your NEW favorite spot.

me: look how BIG it has gotten

them: ....WHAT is THAT?

me: I dunno, an eggplant or a squash?

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Ponderings of a bling butt beauty:

What kinda FCUK you give... ME, huh?

😮

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

ThE PeAnUt GalLeRy:

Elzora...don't do IT.

E-L-Z-O-R-A      B-L-A

AwE FCuK ShE....

oOoooooooOOOhhhhhh, sHe DoNe iT

💦

me: I'm NOT    T-H-A-T    BIRD.

#Emmanueldontdoit

🤣

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Hoe-LY SHIT Balls.

🤦‍♀️

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

him: You need a professional camera

me: I have one.....

it focuses on A   F-R-E-C-K-L-E

him: 👀

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️
out with a civvy friend...ripping around town

him: doing 60plus OVER in a 100 speed zone
me: silent 😶 👀
When we get to our destination...


me: 4 WORDS

WoRsT UBER driver ever.

him: 🤣
me: we might need to go do a search and rescue... I think pussy lips flew off and my uterus fell out somewhere.


ThE PeAnUt GaLlErY:

it wasn't JUST about the pizza, was it Elz'ie?

💋

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

philosophical silent hoe moment:

I already FCUKED Y-O-U...

a thousand times in my head.

I'm over it.

...I think

🤔

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

him: I'm SORRY we can't talk

me: M'eh....I CAN just stare at you.

👀

STAREgazer.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

PuSsY TrEnDs:

him: I have the same backpack as you

me: YOU have the same FCUKbag as ME?

him: 🤣

me: 👀

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

him: *bad investigative technique all round*

me: before you A-S-K I wiped three times and...BlaH

BLLLLLAAAAAAAAAHHHH BlaH bLaH AND

could you remove your magnified glass out of my ass? 

I'D raThEr sPoRt tHe BlInG

him: I can show you my ID.

me: T-H-A-T'S WHAT I ThOuGhT.

🥸

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️
SMACK it Elzie.

S-M-A-C-K IT.
🤣

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

An OuT oF CoNtEXt:

him: you don't make IT hard...

me: T-H-A-N-K FCUK

😅

... I don't need another dick to worry about

UnLeSs YoU aRe PaYinG  M-E too.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Elzies cock'er kiss anology:

*listening to a bunch a fools have a peaCOCK feather fluff argument......*

The solution gentlemen: ☝️

🫵 you no fcuk him 👈

👉HE no fcuk you !

you guys no fcuk'ie fcuk'ie each other ☝️

O-K-A-Y?👌

them: 👀

GoOd TaLk 

🤏

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

ThE WoRlD G-O-N-E IDIOT::

a ShIT person

thinks if he opens his wallet

and gives to charity

in the "spirit" of my DO GOOD

...that it fixes everything

between us.

GOLD STAR.⭐

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

I loved you the second I laid eyes on you.

signed,

the parrot(1)

...can we PAUSE T-H-I-S shit: 

I need to consult the peanut gallery...

me: W-H-O is THIS guy?

🥸

A-N-Y-B-O-D-Y?

*crickets*

ALL of them: it COULD B-E

A-N-Y-O-N-E...ELz.

👀

💋

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

him: are Y-O-U okaaaaaaayyyyyy

You are frothing at the MOUTH.

me: I had to bark someone up the FCUKing street.

him: don't shoot the messenger...

me: 🙄 S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y.

😵‍💫

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

QUOTE of the century:

him, to his buddy...with me present but on invisible mode

"Y-O-U can SEE why I like her...."

ponderings of a extraordinary chica: yep,  it's the tits.

R-I-G-H-T

🙄

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

bLAsT fRoM tHe PaSt:

THESE fcuking guys...

They want you on your knees

A-N-D

when THAT'S not enough, they want to bend you over

AND then turn you right the FCUK around.

👀

ALLofTHEgoodONES: THEY should NOT have done that to YOU.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

*somebody fox trotting in a live lane...in front of the vehicle you are in*

As you go around him...at a snail pace:

me: the sidewalk is ON the OTHER side of the street...

him: FCUK off and go suck a dick

me: I ALREADY DOOOOOOOOOOOOO 🤣

*what could sumbody SAY, like r-e-a-l-l-y*

him: 👀

him *realizes the light would put us both stopped at the corner*

RUNS into oncoming traffic...dodging cars

🙄

me: run fat BOI....R-U-N.

tHe PeAnUt GaLlErY:

There ONCE was a time when you COULD knock sumone the fcuk out.

me: For GOOD reason...

but remember, the universe has IT's WAYS of dealing with S-H-I-T

👅

💦

🧹🧹🧹🧹

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

when you SILENTLY walk by two guys who you don't know

AND haven't honked :

"ARE Y-O-U talking TO US"

inbetween my EARS:

ARE Y-O-U CRAZY??????!!!!!!!!!!

👀

ponderings of a hot hoe they aint fcuking:

only those who do T-H-A-T  WOULD think THAT.

🤪

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Philosopher HoBbY HOE:

What's NOT good for the GOOSE is good for the FCUKing gander.

🙄

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

😶‍🌫️

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

her: There's Zoro.

me: 🙄

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

... THE pussy C-L-A-M BlAsT fRoM tHe PaSt:

me: am I going to be able to buy new body parts from Wuhan?

him: no 🤣

me: AM I going to be able to buy a NEW LIFE

him: not likely...

 

me: am I going to be able to BUY a HUSBAND?

him: probably not

me: CAN I HAVE MY BODY BACK... or MY HEALTH?

him: we can never go back and change THAT

me: but, THEY will CHANGE everything FOR EVERYONE ELSE.

...N-O-W.

and... I H-A-V-E to settle because "a BULLDOG wouldn't"

RIGHT?

him:*silence* based on KNOWNS...right now I can start negotiations

me: THE money doesn't change a FCUKING thing for me.

him: it will help change circumstances.

 🙄

NOBODY would have EVER volunteered for

T-H-A-T

I sure as FCUK didn't.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

This chick drives me NUTS...

I can't get enough of her.

💦

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

H-E-Y FCUK(er)s...

HOWS it hanging?

💦🤣

cUm oUt CuM OUT where EVER you ARE...

it's FCUK'oCLOCK.

🥰

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

QUOTE of THE DAY:

"You crack me up".

🤓
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

 

❤️
FCUKery101:
I understand social... and dick cues well.

🍆💦

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Elz'ie... T-H-I-S *arms outreached*

THIS, is ALL your CHANGE.

me: Yes. I move mountains...all the BRILLIANCY you SEE, IS ME

a WOMAN the world has NOT been kind too.

NOW- Tell your risk management team and your pattern specialist to FCUK R-I-G-H-T  OFF

S-T-O-P interfering with EVERYTHING.

YOU are not creating GOOD results...for ME

💦👇

signed,

FEARLESS ANGEL GIRL. 

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

I'm going to have to call him...

Philosopher Dick. 🥸

them: WHO?

🙃

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Y-O-U are all about the D....

me:. I am... A-M  I?

🤔

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️
My new pick up line:

Hey man, can I drop your bike 😅

🥴

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

FAST forward: yesterday

see someone with clippers...

me: OMG are you cutting it DOWN

green thumb: no.... he's pruning it.

me: do you put super food in it.... it's sooooooo big I LOVE IT!

...what is IT? LOOK how big the leaves are

green thumb: it's pumpkin

ALL of us so excited about this plant:

*Little gaffer running up to see the plant*

me: look ***** its a little pumpkln....see,  isn't that so COOL

her: I thought it was a squash...

me: me toooooo...

ponderings of a beauty bling butt: we have the most beautiful pumpkins

🥰

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

You weren't jokin, were ya

🥸

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Hoe Q and A:

"Elzora... whats your 5 year plan"

me: My 5 year pussay plan  🤔

him: 😯😯

me: Hmmmmmmmmmm. I am going to hang off as many cocks as possible AND...

him:* almost afraid of what I'm going to say but following EVERY S-I-N-G-L-E WORD*

me: AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDD

call IT:

*arms outstretched and look him dead in the eye trying not to laugh*

PUSSY A-L-L-I-A-N-C-E.

him: 🤪🤣🤣🤣😅

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

UN-quote of the day:

....It's okay to have a transactional relationship

me: if this WAS transactional I'd be making bank

him: 🙃

me: I give. YOU take... and take A-N-D Take...

that's NOT transactional

that's parasitic AND exploitive.

him: 🤔

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

When you walk by a fire hall bbq'ing din din.....

me: see, they are making us dinner

🤣🤪

him: what do Y-O-U want

hhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm,

e-v-e-r-ything I can't have

😯

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

I think my cock likes you....

🤪

me: I didnt know dicks had feeling(s)

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Funniest shit ever:

A woman has a Tee Shirt that reads:

"Body by pizza"

me: laughing  hysterically.

🤣

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

QUOTE of the day:

"Carpe Diem..."

The idea is to seize the day.

But (t)his dick only wants to seize, take over and occupy your pussy...

momentarily.

 🤪

A-N-D  THIS is WHAT you WANT...

🍆💦

IS T-H-A-T  SO. 🙄

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

...THAT guy, he doesn't want to JUST rent space inbetween your ears:

HE wants to move the FCUK IN!

😵‍💫

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

the U-G-L-Y laugh:

The harder you laugh, the louder you get.

there's snorts from lack of air.

muscles you didn't know existed, HURT.

your eyes water uncontrollably 

and last but not least: you blow an eye lash

O-H, and you ALMOST piss your pants- TOO

🤣💦

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

philosopherHOE:

☝️

The forgotten FCUK...

is the ONE you don't give.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Hoe SHOW down Q and A:

R-E-A-L world problemos

Q: Did he come and give you the 600?

A: No. At 10 am, he did not show

them: 🤬

me: I suspected he wouldn't.

When he dropped me off, he gave me a kiss

and whispered: "Fuck you...." in my ear.

them: fuck you?

me: YES. *showing a picture I took* seeeeee  how he's leaning in and kissing me?

...that's 👉 the fcuk you moment.

ThE PeAuNuT GaLlERy: Where is THIS FCUKING guy?

them: WE will deal with T-H-I-S.

me: It's okay, I can JUST put up my ad.

THEM: Y-O-U shouldn't HAVE too....WE are trying to help.... Y-O-U with your bills!

me: MAYBE you should give it TO ME directly then.

💡

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

​​​​​​​​​​

❤️

an un-informed new guy makes a projection:

him: ...your goth look

me: MY black hair is a birth rite, not a cultured phase

...I dye my wisdom strands NOW.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

ThE pEaNuT GaLlErY:

them: Elzie, where is THAT guy? You know..."I'm asking for a friend"

me: I know when his court date is. I'll deal with him.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

New name blunder:

Elorza

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

next day:after meeting the "clippers"

PLANT all mangled...half of it limp and dying

😭

greenthumb: a bunch of idiots live in THAT building...

me: he cut the main artery. and YES they are...

greenthumb: *repeating their conversation*  

"I use to be a farmer, I know what I'm doing...."

me: if there isn't sumthing they can fcuk up or destroy- they find it. THEY ruin everything.

greenthumb: THEY have nothing better to do...

me: He's an alcoholic who KNOWS better...he isn't dumb. 

The ONE good thing he could fcuk right up- he did

...remember how I said I love the flowers....

him: no WONDER why you ALWAYS sit by yourself...

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

What's your menu?

me: A B-I-G fat, juicy hamburger

🤣🥰

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Oddities and curiosities of...randomness:

him: I'm superstitious. . . and if you go around that pole, on that side:

I have to, TOO...

ponderings of a bling butt hoe: what happens when your cock IS the POLE

and it's inside me?

😮

T-H-E-N WHAT?

🤔

maybe thats why he left the next day.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

funniest shit of the day:

*him walking* and a low hanging branch nearly takes him out

me: T-H-E-Y don't PRUNE the TREE.

him: 🤣

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️
WhEn a GuY dRoPs HiS ToWeL:

 

me: 😯
Do you have to strap that thing to YOUR leg?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

ThE PeAnUt GaLlErY:

UgH oHhhhhhhhh, Elzie's clearing house...

them2: what do ya mean?

theNUTs: someone took her dick away

them5: 🤣

theNUTS: this one: did this, this and this and then when she said she wouldnt see him:

he offered her more which he never planned on giving her

them5,3,4: Okay. Did she tell US this? 

theNUTS: No. No one did. This one, claims he's simple but the last time she saw him:

she almost got hit by a car on the way to the location for a 230am-and found out the police tailed him 

them7: holy shit, do we have the vehicle info for the near miss?

theNUTS: This was a near hair. She took pictures, has the first 3 digits of the BC plates.

them2: do WE have the info, or pictures, or?

theNUTS: No. She didn't want to call it in, have THEM obtain her info or interfere with her appointment

theNUTS: this one told us he was booking a 1.5 and only saw her for hh

them8: were there any issues?

theNUTS: No. He kept the 180, gave her 100 and overstayed. He loved her.

ALLofTHEM: 😯

theNUTS: this one knew something he shouldn't have

them8: whoa.

theNUTS: this one was suppose to take her here: he took so and so

ALLofTHEM: 😵‍💫

theNUTS: this one was suppose to book and write a review. He no showed and reviewed someone else

ALLofTHEM: 🥴

theNUTS: T-H-E-R-E-S A lot more

ALLofTHEM: you are joking? Does she know WE know?

me :👀 know what?

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

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