❤️ confessions of a soon to be bedazzled butt bling hoe... ❤️
❤️
*me to greenthumb a while ago*
I just LOVE the flowers you planted...
🥰
them *recently*: thats your NEW favorite spot.
me: look how BIG it has gotten
them: ....WHAT is THAT?
me: I dunno, an eggplant or a squash?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Ponderings of a bling butt beauty:
What kinda FCUK you give... ME, huh?
😮
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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ThE PeAnUt GalLeRy:
Elzora...don't do IT.
E-L-Z-O-R-A B-L-A
AwE FCuK ShE....
oOoooooooOOOhhhhhh, sHe DoNe iT
💦
me: I'm NOT T-H-A-T BIRD.
#Emmanueldontdoit
🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Hoe-LY SHIT Balls.
🤦♀️
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
him: You need a professional camera
me: I have one.....
it focuses on A F-R-E-C-K-L-E
him: 👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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out with a civvy friend...ripping around town
him: doing 60plus OVER in a 100 speed zone
me: silent 😶 👀
When we get to our destination...
me: 4 WORDS
WoRsT UBER driver ever.
him: 🤣
me: we might need to go do a search and rescue... I think pussy lips flew off and my uterus fell out somewhere.
ThE PeAnUt GaLlErY:
it wasn't JUST about the pizza, was it Elz'ie?
💋
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
philosophical silent hoe moment:
I already FCUKED Y-O-U...
a thousand times in my head.
I'm over it.
...I think
🤔
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
him: I'm SORRY we can't talk
me: M'eh....I CAN just stare at you.
👀
STAREgazer.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
PuSsY TrEnDs:
him: I have the same backpack as you
me: YOU have the same FCUKbag as ME?
him: 🤣
me: 👀
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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him: *bad investigative technique all round*
me: before you A-S-K I wiped three times and...BlaH
BLLLLLAAAAAAAAAHHHH BlaH bLaH AND
could you remove your magnified glass out of my ass?
I'D raThEr sPoRt tHe BlInG
him: I can show you my ID.
me: T-H-A-T'S WHAT I ThOuGhT.
🥸
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
SMACK it Elzie.
S-M-A-C-K IT.
🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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An OuT oF CoNtEXt:
him: you don't make IT hard...
me: T-H-A-N-K FCUK
😅
... I don't need another dick to worry about
UnLeSs YoU aRe PaYinG M-E too.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Elzies cock'er kiss anology:
*listening to a bunch a fools have a peaCOCK feather fluff argument......*
The solution gentlemen: ☝️
🫵 you no fcuk him 👈
👉HE no fcuk you !
you guys no fcuk'ie fcuk'ie each other ☝️
O-K-A-Y?👌
them: 👀
GoOd TaLk
🤏
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
ThE WoRlD G-O-N-E IDIOT::
a ShIT person
thinks if he opens his wallet
and gives to charity
in the "spirit" of my DO GOOD
...that it fixes everything
between us.
GOLD STAR.⭐
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
I loved you the second I laid eyes on you.
signed,
the parrot(1)
...can we PAUSE T-H-I-S shit:
I need to consult the peanut gallery...
me: W-H-O is THIS guy?
🥸
A-N-Y-B-O-D-Y?
*crickets*
ALL of them: it COULD B-E
A-N-Y-O-N-E...ELz.
👀
💋
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
him: are Y-O-U okaaaaaaayyyyyy
You are frothing at the MOUTH.
me: I had to bark someone up the FCUKing street.
him: don't shoot the messenger...
me: 🙄 S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y.
😵💫
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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QUOTE of the century:
him, to his buddy...with me present but on invisible mode
"Y-O-U can SEE why I like her...."
ponderings of a extraordinary chica: yep, it's the tits.
R-I-G-H-T
🙄
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
bLAsT fRoM tHe PaSt:
THESE fcuking guys...
They want you on your knees
A-N-D
when THAT'S not enough, they want to bend you over
AND then turn you right the FCUK around.
👀
ALLofTHEgoodONES: THEY should NOT have done that to YOU.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
*somebody fox trotting in a live lane...in front of the vehicle you are in*
As you go around him...at a snail pace:
me: the sidewalk is ON the OTHER side of the street...
him: FCUK off and go suck a dick
me: I ALREADY DOOOOOOOOOOOOO 🤣
*what could sumbody SAY, like r-e-a-l-l-y*
him: 👀
him *realizes the light would put us both stopped at the corner*
RUNS into oncoming traffic...dodging cars
🙄
me: run fat BOI....R-U-N.
tHe PeAnUt GaLlErY:
There ONCE was a time when you COULD knock sumone the fcuk out.
me: For GOOD reason...
but remember, the universe has IT's WAYS of dealing with S-H-I-T
👅
💦
🧹🧹🧹🧹
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
when you SILENTLY walk by two guys who you don't know
AND haven't honked :
"ARE Y-O-U talking TO US"
inbetween my EARS:
ARE Y-O-U CRAZY??????!!!!!!!!!!
👀
ponderings of a hot hoe they aint fcuking:
only those who do T-H-A-T WOULD think THAT.
🤪
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Philosopher HoBbY HOE:
What's NOT good for the GOOSE is good for the FCUKing gander.
🙄
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
😶🌫️
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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her: There's Zoro.
me: 🙄
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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... THE pussy C-L-A-M BlAsT fRoM tHe PaSt:
me: am I going to be able to buy new body parts from Wuhan?
him: no 🤣
me: AM I going to be able to buy a NEW LIFE
him: not likely...
me: am I going to be able to BUY a HUSBAND?
him: probably not
me: CAN I HAVE MY BODY BACK... or MY HEALTH?
him: we can never go back and change THAT
me: but, THEY will CHANGE everything FOR EVERYONE ELSE.
...N-O-W.
and... I H-A-V-E to settle because "a BULLDOG wouldn't"
RIGHT?
him:*silence* based on KNOWNS...right now I can start negotiations
me: THE money doesn't change a FCUKING thing for me.
him: it will help change circumstances.
🙄
NOBODY would have EVER volunteered for
T-H-A-T
I sure as FCUK didn't.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
This chick drives me NUTS...
I can't get enough of her.
💦
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
H-E-Y FCUK(er)s...
HOWS it hanging?
💦🤣
cUm oUt CuM OUT where EVER you ARE...
it's FCUK'oCLOCK.
🥰
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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QUOTE of THE DAY:
"You crack me up".
🤓
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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FCUKery101:
I understand social... and dick cues well.
🍆💦
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Elz'ie... T-H-I-S *arms outreached*
THIS, is ALL your CHANGE.
me: Yes. I move mountains...all the BRILLIANCY you SEE, IS ME
a WOMAN the world has NOT been kind too.
NOW- Tell your risk management team and your pattern specialist to FCUK R-I-G-H-T OFF
S-T-O-P interfering with EVERYTHING.
YOU are not creating GOOD results...for ME
💦👇
signed,
FEARLESS ANGEL GIRL.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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I'm going to have to call him...
Philosopher Dick. 🥸
them: WHO?
🙃
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Y-O-U are all about the D....
me:. I am... A-M I?
🤔
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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My new pick up line:
Hey man, can I drop your bike 😅
🥴
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
FAST forward: yesterday
see someone with clippers...
me: OMG are you cutting it DOWN
green thumb: no.... he's pruning it.
me: do you put super food in it.... it's sooooooo big I LOVE IT!
...what is IT? LOOK how big the leaves are
green thumb: it's pumpkin
ALL of us so excited about this plant:
*Little gaffer running up to see the plant*
me: look ***** its a little pumpkln....see, isn't that so COOL
her: I thought it was a squash...
me: me toooooo...
ponderings of a beauty bling butt: we have the most beautiful pumpkins
🥰
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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You weren't jokin, were ya
🥸
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Hoe Q and A:
"Elzora... whats your 5 year plan"
me: My 5 year pussay plan 🤔
him: 😯😯
me: Hmmmmmmmmmm. I am going to hang off as many cocks as possible AND...
him:* almost afraid of what I'm going to say but following EVERY S-I-N-G-L-E WORD*
me: AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDD
call IT:
*arms outstretched and look him dead in the eye trying not to laugh*
PUSSY A-L-L-I-A-N-C-E.
him: 🤪🤣🤣🤣😅
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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UN-quote of the day:
....It's okay to have a transactional relationship
me: if this WAS transactional I'd be making bank
him: 🙃
me: I give. YOU take... and take A-N-D Take...
that's NOT transactional
that's parasitic AND exploitive.
him: 🤔
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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When you walk by a fire hall bbq'ing din din.....
me: see, they are making us dinner
🤣🤪
him: what do Y-O-U want
hhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm,
e-v-e-r-ything I can't have
😯
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
I think my cock likes you....
🤪
me: I didnt know dicks had feeling(s)
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Funniest shit ever:
A woman has a Tee Shirt that reads:
"Body by pizza"
me: laughing hysterically.
🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
QUOTE of the day:
"Carpe Diem..."
The idea is to seize the day.
But (t)his dick only wants to seize, take over and occupy your pussy...
momentarily.
🤪
A-N-D THIS is WHAT you WANT...
🍆💦
IS T-H-A-T SO. 🙄
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
...THAT guy, he doesn't want to JUST rent space inbetween your ears:
HE wants to move the FCUK IN!
😵💫
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
the U-G-L-Y laugh:
The harder you laugh, the louder you get.
there's snorts from lack of air.
muscles you didn't know existed, HURT.
your eyes water uncontrollably
and last but not least: you blow an eye lash
O-H, and you ALMOST piss your pants- TOO
🤣💦
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
philosopherHOE:
☝️
The forgotten FCUK...
is the ONE you don't give.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
Hoe SHOW down Q and A:
R-E-A-L world problemos
Q: Did he come and give you the 600?
A: No. At 10 am, he did not show
them: 🤬
me: I suspected he wouldn't.
When he dropped me off, he gave me a kiss
and whispered: "Fuck you...." in my ear.
them: fuck you?
me: YES. *showing a picture I took* seeeeee how he's leaning in and kissing me?
...that's 👉 the fcuk you moment.
ThE PeAuNuT GaLlERy: Where is THIS FCUKING guy?
them: WE will deal with T-H-I-S.
me: It's okay, I can JUST put up my ad.
THEM: Y-O-U shouldn't HAVE too....WE are trying to help.... Y-O-U with your bills!
me: MAYBE you should give it TO ME directly then.
💡
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
an un-informed new guy makes a projection:
him: ...your goth look
me: MY black hair is a birth rite, not a cultured phase
...I dye my wisdom strands NOW.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
ThE pEaNuT GaLlErY:
them: Elzie, where is THAT guy? You know..."I'm asking for a friend"
me: I know when his court date is. I'll deal with him.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
New name blunder:
Elorza
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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next day:after meeting the "clippers"
PLANT all mangled...half of it limp and dying
😭
greenthumb: a bunch of idiots live in THAT building...
me: he cut the main artery. and YES they are...
greenthumb: *repeating their conversation*
"I use to be a farmer, I know what I'm doing...."
me: if there isn't sumthing they can fcuk up or destroy- they find it. THEY ruin everything.
greenthumb: THEY have nothing better to do...
me: He's an alcoholic who KNOWS better...he isn't dumb.
The ONE good thing he could fcuk right up- he did
...remember how I said I love the flowers....
him: no WONDER why you ALWAYS sit by yourself...
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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What's your menu?
me: A B-I-G fat, juicy hamburger
🤣🥰
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Oddities and curiosities of...randomness:
him: I'm superstitious. . . and if you go around that pole, on that side:
I have to, TOO...
ponderings of a bling butt hoe: what happens when your cock IS the POLE
and it's inside me?
😮
T-H-E-N WHAT?
🤔
maybe thats why he left the next day.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
❤️
funniest shit of the day:
*him walking* and a low hanging branch nearly takes him out
me: T-H-E-Y don't PRUNE the TREE.
him: 🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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WhEn a GuY dRoPs HiS ToWeL:
me: 😯
Do you have to strap that thing to YOUR leg?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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ThE PeAnUt GaLlErY:
UgH oHhhhhhhhh, Elzie's clearing house...
them2: what do ya mean?
theNUTs: someone took her dick away
them5: 🤣
theNUTS: this one: did this, this and this and then when she said she wouldnt see him:
he offered her more which he never planned on giving her
them5,3,4: Okay. Did she tell US this?
theNUTS: No. No one did. This one, claims he's simple but the last time she saw him:
she almost got hit by a car on the way to the location for a 230am-and found out the police tailed him
them7: holy shit, do we have the vehicle info for the near miss?
theNUTS: This was a near hair. She took pictures, has the first 3 digits of the BC plates.
them2: do WE have the info, or pictures, or?
theNUTS: No. She didn't want to call it in, have THEM obtain her info or interfere with her appointment
theNUTS: this one told us he was booking a 1.5 and only saw her for hh
them8: were there any issues?
theNUTS: No. He kept the 180, gave her 100 and overstayed. He loved her.
ALLofTHEM: 😯
theNUTS: this one knew something he shouldn't have
them8: whoa.
theNUTS: this one was suppose to take her here: he took so and so
ALLofTHEM: 😵💫
theNUTS: this one was suppose to book and write a review. He no showed and reviewed someone else
ALLofTHEM: 🥴
theNUTS: T-H-E-R-E-S A lot more
ALLofTHEM: you are joking? Does she know WE know?
me :👀 know what?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang