❤️ confessions of a soon to be bedazzled butt bling hoe... ❤️

confessions of a soon to be bedazzled butt bling hoe: juice factor is on high alert

Someone else is so excited they want to sing and dance while they finger their own butthole

No pressure or anything 🤣🤣

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

YEGmoment:

Him: did you bring toys?
Me: No.... You ARE my toy.

My fcukery backpack can only carry so much.

Can you imagine if someone searched my bag 🤣

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

MILFYmoment: at a civvy guy friends house and he tries to put music on. Instead his web history pops onto his smart tv, then trying to close that window- has porn babes popping up in full action...and I feel right at home🤣

Technology.

He is still sweating.

me: secretly amused

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

ponderings: I am a walking orgasm waiting to happen

😁

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

MILFYmoment: technically if my voice makes your bleep hard, it's voice activated

🥰

confessions of a soon to be butt bling hoe: apparently, I have a voice of an angel 😉

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

with everyone picking pronouns... I can't figure out why who isn't being used.

From now on I want to be referred to as the who...WHO

🥰

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

when a gentleman wants to take it slow...

I have a ho ho gadget button that activates sloth mode.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

I am going to be your new hoe love language

😘

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Why is it... some people of a certain background rub my head and my cute little belly when they meet me?

The 'enlightened' one... they say.

🤪

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

apparently, my vagina does the Houdini.

It likes to hide things 😂

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

I bought a pair of panties and I guess I left the crotch at the store.

This cost-effective manufacturing tactic does not bode well for everyday wear.

It looks like my vagina is doing a raspberry.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Public Service Announcement: an erection is not considered personal growth unless I am attached to it.

Inquiring minds need to know.

😜

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

almost like magic lol

I'm gonna just start pushing BUTTONS and see if something turns on lol

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

question of the day: why do you ALWAYS look at me like that 👀

him: eyeballs...
me: do you wanna fcuk or something
him: eyeballs

*twitter anthem*

him: I don't fcuk whores.
me: why NOT? They are sooooo much easier 🤪😂😂🤣

him: I don't pay.
me: YOU always do, one way or another.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

PSA: do not fall asleep with your cumbrellas on. This is worse than bubble gum. I woke up with one stuck to my forehead.

I could have dusted the floors with it.

My theory... all you need is eyelashes, hard at work. 😝

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Confessions of this hoe: I LOVE the helicopter.

I hope it can't see my hotspots 🤔

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Why do potential suitors think it's a good way to introduce themselves like suspects.

45. 6'1. White. Male. Bald.

Do you have a name... ? Even your fake one. 🥰

🤣

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

me and math on a good day...

D'oh.

I work part time for NASA and on the off season I am a space cadet, but for fcukery-I got a self appointed honorary PHD. The class of Elzora...fcukery 101 🥰

What the guys tell me:I just need a rich husband 🙄

Apparently. I missed this memo

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

just because I say FCUK a lot doesn't mean I'm not all Zen and shit

😁

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

confessions of a soon to be butt bling hoe:

Who says diamonds are a girls best friend?

My special order delivery arrived... and it sparkles

❤️ butt'a-bling butt'a-bang

entry courtesy of : @MissSumThang

❤️

when auto correct is spooning your life...

wanna duck?

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

money makes me cum

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

quote of the day: in a world full of beautiful cunts... you're my favorite EZ

🥴👌😂

🤦

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Confessions of a bedazzled butt bling bling hoe: I went to the store with my bling bling lodged up my ass...

AND then dropped my keys. 🥴

Luckily it didn't fly out of my ass when I bent over.

Now that's talent 🥰

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

My question to the uniserve, I mean universe and all that fun loving shit...

Have you seen me with technology?

🤪

Nobody could make THAT up. Comedy shit show.

Popcorn anyone?

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

MILFYmoment: I will FCUK you better than karma.

🥰

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

HOEmoment: my gf's and I had a hoe committee round table talk about sticking things in our butts...

One of them can shoot shit out of their ass... I mean like balls and shit. Maybe even confetti, she's a REAL pro.

me: still rocking the bedazzled butt jewel... 🥰

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

ponderings of a bedazzled butt bling hoe: I may be a hoe but at least I am good at sumthang...

🥰

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

quote of the day:

"You are top shelf"

I had to google this one.

Context is everything, but it was ALL good.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

confessions of a bedazzled bling bling butt: my fcuk boi gave me a recent report card in Elzora's Fcukery 101: A+

When fcukery and fcukology collide, you know what the secret society of Elzie is up too

Shall we?

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

MILFYmoment:
him: what's your name again?
El 'hora?

pondering in silence...🤔 a clear indicator the blood has not returned to his proper head yet and he just got fcuked stupid

me: Yes. Absolutely. You can call me whatever you want 🤣
him: NO, really!!!
me: are we on a first name basis...now, JOHN? 🤣 🤣 🤣
him: we could be

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

ponderings of a soon to be birthday bedazzled butt bling lady hoe: birthday bumps are totally overrated, so I'm aiming for as many birthday fcuks possible.

THAT must be why "we" all celebrate the entire month instead of just our special day- I'M sure of IT!

🤔

Lets have a party in my pants. I got the party hats.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

HOEmoment: Elzora, you are every married man's BEST secret

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

confessions of a butt bling hoe: even though vaginas are self-cleaning ovens: do NOT double dip

Shit gets mixed up if you do.

😬

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Quote of the Day:

"Elzora, you are only as relevant as your last blow job..."

me: 😳😳😳

him: *dumb smirk on his face I'd wipe right off if I wasn't JUST a sensual Domme, fcuktastic GFE, masseuse, social worker, ear lender, comedian among a great many of other things...*

me: 🤔 Oh... really.

Well... it's a good thing I'm a good little c*cksucker, isn't it

wanna fcuk my face?

him: 😳😳😳

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

MILFYmoment(s): when you cum to your senses one nut at a time.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️
IN L-Z we trust:

tried,
tested
true.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Quote of the day:
him: Elzora, did you tie my balls up...

😳

me: ... and you're cock too
him: ... the blindfold... YOU kinky girl ❤️
me: THEY call me Mcgyver kink hoe, didn't you know 😁

GOT KINKS you didn't know you had?

I always FIND them 😁

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Secret admissions: When I went to the bookstore, I bought a book simply because the only word I recognized was the author's last name: Hore.

🤣

I still have NOT read it.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

ponderings of a foot kinkster:

him: do you like THIS Elzora?

me: .....yes

*as I give him the eyeballs and stroke his c*ck with my feet in the beautiful stockings he bought for our time*

Out of all the body parts I have, it never fails- my feet are ALSO always a big hit.

🤔I think it's all in the arch.

got FEET.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

MILFYmoment:

him: do you offer MSOG

me: lets pray to the cum lords and aim for a hat trick

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Elzie COCK'er advice:

When the uniserve tries to fcuk you without a courtesy spit...

Keep CALM

and get your FCUK ON!!!

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

Confessions of a soon to be butt bling hoe:

I love feathers.

Someone trying to impress me went to the zoo and chased the peacocks around until he could collect one feather to present to me... I'm still not sure if two or more bads' make a good but the story- priceless.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

The curiosities and wonders of Elzora, are currently trending with a swift uptick...

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️
#whoremembers

IF you first read that as "whore members" you belong in my tribe.,,

and 'WHO WHO' remembers.... EVERYTHING!!

😅

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

HOEmoment:

a study was able to concoct an image of the "perfect mistress" and included everything but FCUK factor.

I have a theory on this: the algorithms are all mixed up. They need to go get FCUKED and then reASSess.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️
I will not eat your babies.

🤣

send them to my bitcoin instead.

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

I'm a paranormal experience.

Somebody CALL ghostbusters.

👻

entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang

❤️

MILFYmoment: I have been waiting forever to meet you...