❤️ confessions of a soon to be bedazzled butt bling hoe... ❤️
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I was recently going through the analytics on my website and wish my pussy had that much traffic.
😍
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Funniest thing I read today:
"Really, does matter if she can't speak English if she has her tongue in your ass?"
🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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HOEmoment:
"Are you trying to make my face sloppy"
... it's a good thing I don't have cake face
😁
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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The test of time is the only important exam I've ever passed.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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When a guy is spanking your pussy telling you what a bad girl you are and you look at him square in the eyes...
and give his c*ck a swift smack.
"THAT oughtta teach ya..."
😬
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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MILFYmoment: You know someone is full on rabbit mode when even the lube is balling
😮
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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I think you guys solved the mystery behind the peer reviewed system and its actual creation... it all began with cocks.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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ponderings of a bling bling butt:
You book by text... a guy calls from an unknown caller ID, leaves a message instructing you to call him back without leaving a number.
Really?
🤦♂️
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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GOLDstar moment:
him: Hey Elzzzzzzz'ie... can you make my budget bigger?
me: 👀
Silent ponderings of a bling butt: HOW much is this gonna cost me 🐐
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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him: I'm not on LL all that often...
me: I AM 🤣🤣🤣😍👌
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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He thinks you have an accent...
me: I just talk funny
🤣🤣
Or do I?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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HOEmoment:
I love being below you.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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him: How do you stay in such good shape Elzora?
me: breakfast of champs...
c*cks.
That's it.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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FACT of LIFE: some berry beautiful, special women have a lot of created problems...
FCUK MAN is my life EVER expensive
🤐
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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My pussy is smiling.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Quote of the day:
"ooooooo FCUK.... shit."
🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Elzie Cock'er MOMENT(s):
Leave it to me if the pipes need clearing. Who knew how handy I was?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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When there's multiple outcalls attempting to book from a specific area...
I do research.
The health and sciences conference is in the area.
me: let me just get my dunce cap wrapped in tin foil for ya and warm up my broomstick
😶🌫️🧹
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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When you don't know which day is officially "Black Friday"...
I just celebrate everyone
😁
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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ponderings of a butt bling bling hoe:
You know the scenery is amazing when there's a level 5 finish and a million dollar view
Attention to details matter 😍
... and here I thought you came to see me 🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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All the women in my world want a dance pole in the living room...
me: why not a sex swing? 😮
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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FCUKmoment:
The most beautiful woman in Calgary wants to do a duo with you and your eyeballs are falling out of your head...
me: I can't beauty 😭
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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me: Calgary is good to me...
him: YOU are good to...
FOR Calgary.
me: 🥸
When you KNOW...
you KNOW!
BUT... HOW did YOU know....THAT?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Philosopher HOE:
Sumbody who lives through everyone else...
One timeshare at a time.
I feel you.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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HOEmoment:
My pussy is already a charitable cause and with my do good(s) throughout the year...
I figured maybe to change things up, instead of a toy drive;
we could do a lube drive; for us special hoes
🤔
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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QUOTE of the DAY:
"I would GIVE you MY house..."
Are you going to transfer the deed before or after we do the deed?
🥸
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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HOEmoment: You know you do it well when sum-one cums back the very next day
him: do that thing with your tongue
👌
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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I blow into town during a snow storm and was lucky enough to snatch a beauty room...
only the heating system blew cold air...
gives a whole new meaning to warming each other up
BUTT, I'm still dethawing.
🥶🥶🥶
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Elzie Cock'er and Cinderell'ie moment(s):
Another woman describes you as the cleanest and most organized woman she's ever met in the industry
Purfect 👌
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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MILFYmoment:
him: you've had KIDS and look LIKE THAT????!!!!!
*pondering...not knowing what he means EXACTLY*
me: yes...
him: You'd never know it... you don't have a mom bod or belly
me: is that what they call it??
👌
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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WTFmoment:
You buy a new swimsuit, and the crotch hangs mid-thigh:
me: in complete disbelief... HOW in the FCUK?
friends advice: JUST TUCK IT... IN
me: 😮
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Elzie Cock'er was in fine form today...
Took a broom for a spin but didn't notice the scrubbing bubbles on the floor and took a spill
intercom: CLEAN up in aisle four... HOTMESS in aisle four
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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NEW Name blunder:
El'mara
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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The creepiest thing I read in most recent times:
"Some like it hot 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. Like me 😊, great review!
Our Garden Girl was always a sexy little girl....I see she is all grown up 😈"
me: 🤢
As 'they' say: WE are the chosen ones...
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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QUOTE of the day:
"You have this sophisticated look to you..."
me: naked
🥰
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Ponderings of a bling bling butt hoe:
Guys on a review board that complain about fucking a woman on a couch but want to do it in their vehicle? 🤔
What happened to every guys fantasy make out session that y'all write about.
This hoe doesn't follow any of the present logic.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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FUNNY HOEmoment: you do a at home covid test for the first time and all the pieces remind you of building IKEA furniture.
...Who needs directions 😁
EZ peazy with the results we all hope to aim for. 👌
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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him: how do you like to be touched...
me: hold your c*ock... I'll go grab my manual
😂
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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TravelHOE:
When you are so use to going to the convenience store...
that when you actually get to go to the grocery store, you think everything's a DEAL!
😍
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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him: How did you get so smart Elzora...
me: staring at the scenery.
😁🥸😭
him:🤣🤣 no seriously...
me: a lady doesn't give away ALL her secrets.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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El'cinderellie gives CTV a secret thumbs up when a video is trending number 6 on:
HOW to fold sheets...
HOEmoment: when you're the only one that can fold fitted sheets, all the hens leave their mess for you to do.
This video should be a sticky on every twit feed.
😁🥰
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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I think about you.
It's been a while.
😘
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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him: you are just as beautiful as the day I lost you.
me: 👻👻👻... I'm sorry, have we met before?
him: No.
🤔
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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Benjamin Franklin was onto sumthang when he stated:
“Idle hands are the devil’s playthings."
A well rounded HOE must have a vast repertoire of skills and tools at her disposal...
him: you have a healer's touch and strong hands Elzzzzzz... you should consider this an offering.
me: which part?
👄
Massage anyone?
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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QUOTE of the day:
him as he walks in: 'WE' didn't get this right...
me: No shit sherlock.
him: ... YOU are good.
me: I-I-I-I K - N- O - W T-H-A-T...
silent ponderings of a bling bling butt hoe: *silence*
😒
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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HOEmoment(s)
I will make you say stupid things... without knowing it.
💋
... tell "them" I said Hi 👋
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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HoW NoT To BoOk ThRoUGH AdVeRTIsInG pLaTfOrM:
unReAD MeSsAgE oN HoE FoRuM FrOm LaST WeEk:
My name is *****, 48 Travel for business looking for tonight 1 to 1.5.
My hotel door is open , i am in bed cash on the counter. You upfor it? 2828 23 st ne
me: NOT SERIOUS 🤣 Where do I even start with this one 🤦♂️
DoN'T Be ThAT GuY.
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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MILFYmoment:
*while he's dick deep*
him: Elzie...
me: Yessssssssss?
him: stop calling yourself a Hoe...
me: .........😇 sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable... JOHN
him: You are... S-O MUCH more than T-H-A-T
*secret ponderings of a bling bling butt HOE... how rich under the current cirCUMstances 🙄 ...*
me: how are you even TALKING right now
😅🤣
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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El' cinderell'ie moment gone wrong:
Deciding to give the blinds a bath without FIRST measuring the tub.
Just like me, they didn't fit. 🙄
This project turned into a two-day fiasco and was worse than trying to bathe a toddler.
But FCUK are they EVER clean... and the man hours were SO worth it
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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I can't wait to get my hands on you Elzora...
ponderings of a bling bling butt Hoe:
This could either be REALLY good, or really REALLY bad
🥵
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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The test of wit cums in time
🤔🤓
entry courtesy of: @MissSumThang
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